Do you still have your period?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
