TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
