You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
