He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
