Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can I color on your dick again?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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