IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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