im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
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you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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