so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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