I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
