jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
im on a boat
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