just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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