Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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