i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
