Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
