Apparently you make a good broom.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
