ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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