coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
