My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
