Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
