It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
vagina is talking i cant
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I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
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U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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