turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
