you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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