i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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