Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
