Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
