they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
