it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
