I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
