she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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