did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
