How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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