He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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