i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
we're so committed to being not committed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
