you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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