You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
