i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
