found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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