So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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