I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
