4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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