dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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