so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
