What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also, beer. Big fan.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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