the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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