I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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