i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
