Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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