Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
