I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
