Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
