So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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