How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
