maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
