dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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