All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
