how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
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I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
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Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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