You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
