i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
