I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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