I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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