If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
