all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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