I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We smell like vodka and hangover
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
