Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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