look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
