just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
