My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
