i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize