if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
