what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
